I wanna bring you to show and tell
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
