We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
