Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
