All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize