I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You are the jesus of drinking
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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