Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
