i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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