i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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