i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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