she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
