my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
