life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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