Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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