what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
