this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You are a genius and a whore.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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