1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I need to sanitize my soul.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
