So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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