i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
