I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
