i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
