if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm both gender and math confused
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