Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
