What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
