carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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