Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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