you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
