yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
