I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
