I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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