I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I'm really busy with my period
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