nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
