someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
