no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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