it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
