I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
