Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
