I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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