Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Less talking, more tequila
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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