No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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