Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
