hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
