The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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