I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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