i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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