I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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