I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
