Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
