Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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