Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
