I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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