he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
