i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
