Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
