Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i already hear my dad disowning me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
