Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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