apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the day after is always just damage control
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
