as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
