Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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