We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
