drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
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