I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
