That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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