We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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