I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
