just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
