im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
