Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
