It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
