I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
