Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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