So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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