I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
