She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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