you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
