soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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