I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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