Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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