I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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